Are You a Gravitator, Gatherer, or Grower?

My husband and I teamed up with a courageous group of leaders to serve twelve, thirteen, and fourteen-year-olds at our church. I often have people tell me “I could never work with middle schoolers,” but I have found it easy. The tweens and teens in our youth group struggle with a lot of the same things my own kids struggle with (and the same things I struggled with when I was their age). Sadly, the most common problem I hear about from both the kids (and concerned parents) is the struggle to make friends.

In a world filled with billions of people, no one should be lonely. And yet, we are. I’m continually fascinated with the large group dynamic during our gatherings. The uniqueness of each child entrusted to our ministry is vast. I love every kid’s quirks, talents, and personalities. No one should have to change who they are in order to make friends. However, as we all know—some are naturally better at making friends and others find making friends hard.

For those who make friends easily—I have entitled them as Gravitator, Gatherer, or Grower.

Gravitator: Okay, I may have made this word up, but people who are “gravitators” usually gravitate to the same key person or group. They may all have been friends for-ev-er, or a central person possesses a magnetic personality that people gather around. Gravitators are happy to be in the circle and work hard to not cause turbulence. They are okay with new people joining the group, but they won’t risk leaving the safety of the circle.

Gatherer: These people may already be in a group, but they notice those who are not and gather them up to join their group and will make the circle wider. Or, they gather up the stragglers and form a new group. They notice others and don’t want anyone to be alone. However, they still want to stay in a group of some nature and won’t venture off alone for long.

Grower: These people notice someone alone and go to them. If they are in a group, they disengage from the group and invite the person to join them. However, if the lone person declines their invitation, the Grower will sit/stand and get to know them. They are open to others joining their two-person group, but they are perfectly content to stay in a one-on-one situation. If the lone person is eventually comfortable joining a larger group, they might do that. Otherwise, they stay as they are. The lone person’s comfort is of utmost importance.

Now, this list isn’t exhaustive—and a person may fluctuate from week to week which role they will play each time we meet as a large group. But can you picture your own kids in a large group situation? Where do they fit?

We have had the joy of serving alongside Savage #1 (age 14) and Savage #2 (age 12) this past year. Both are outgoing young men, but they often are content to find their usual group of friends and hang with them. We have been challenging them to be Gatherers and Growers.

Of course, anytime I teach my children social skills, I’m convicted of my own shortcomings. I, too, am working to be more of a Gatherer and Grower as an adult. Just a few months ago, the friendly actions of another member of the Storyteller Squad blessed me immensely. I was attending the Virtual ACFW Virginia Royal Writers conference, as I was a finalist in their Crown Awards contest for unpublished writers in the Young Adult category. I didn’t know a soul there, and I was praying to find a friend (which is even harder to do when the whole conference is on Zoom). God answered my prayer with Candice Pedraza Yamnitz (the author of Unbetrothed).

Candice reached out, followed up, and helped me get more engaged within American Christian Fiction Writers. She is the epitome of a Gatherer and Grower! Before I knew it, I was a member of the Storyteller Squad. I may have given up on my dream of being an author if it hadn’t been for her.

So, whether you are a parent of teens or just engaging in your normal adult activities, I encourage everyone to work on the skills of being a Gatherer and Grower of friendships. Keep your friend circle wide to welcome fresh faces. Gather and grow and be a blessing.

How can we support you on your writing journey? Please reach out and let us know. Writing can be a lonely venture—it is better done with friends.

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. – Romans 15:5

P.S. Check out the ACFW Crown Awards for unpublished Christian writers at: https://acfwvirginia.wordpress.com/acfw-virginia-the-crown/ Submissions close on August 5, 2022.