Michelle Kaderly WelshDo you or your child worry about popularity?
“You are seen. You are heard. You are loved.” This message is everywhere. Before the pandemic, my website theme was this very message: You matter, your life matters. I wanted people to know they are seen, heard, loved.
It is true. Each of us does matter.
We are seen, heard, and loved—maybe not by those we seek—but by God, we are.
The new pandemic of insecurity
My heart grows heavy over this. People suffer everywhere over these feelings of insecurity and worthlessness. How did we get here? This negative mindset feels like another type of pandemic.
Does all this focus have something to do with popularity? We all hope to be included and liked. Being left out or feeling left out hurts.
The world we live in seems to push us into this mindset, even with our writing. All this striving gets depressing.
Recently, a group of people asked me to present a talk later this summer about a local historical figure of whom I researched in great depth. My first inclination—fear. Many share this fear, but I consoled myself with the fact that I know this subject well. I don’t do a lot of public speaking at the moment, but last year I did speak to the writing club at our local high school. The writing dream includes public speaking, so practice brings confidence, I advised myself. Yet the fear lies real in my heart because putting myself into the limelight gives opportunities for failure and criticism, for judgment. Why does our mind follow a negative track instead of thinking that we will succeed and engage with a friendly and interested group?
Social media focuses on popularity
Speaking to an audience often creates butterflies, but today we put ourselves out into the public realm regularly on various platforms. Social media focuses on this judging—to be liked, unliked, or ignored (unseen). It grew from pictures to videos to podcasts.
Posting videos of myself on social media equals public speaking to me. As I venture forth in this new situation, I’m terribly critical of myself. I admire the ease of those I know who turn on the camera and go with it, looking relaxed, sharing their wonderful personalities in posts and podcasts. But then comparison strikes. I think I look silly compared to their confident presentations. I choose the best of my efforts to post, but alas, perfection eludes me. (I know perfection doesn’t exist, but still I persist.)
At a public event, a person receives immediate feedback. On social media, a post might get a handful of likes to thousands of hits. The person with the thousands flies high, while the other starts to wonder what’s wrong.
In the last decade, I’ve become consumed with this social media platform business. Our children fall into this trap too.
My revelation for this problem
It used to be popularity was about friends and image at school. We’re way beyond that these days, and I think that is why we have this sudden, ravenous, always-hungry need. I think that this brings on the anxiety so many suffer with.
One morning, it struck me that my attitude needs adjusting. I suffer from an unhealthy focus of concentrating on myself. How many friends do I have? What can I talk about that will interest others? How many followers do I have? Oh, no, no one liked this post. Few people notice me. How did I look in that photo or video? Do you notice the I and me and the worry about pleasing others?
My quiet and firm revelation that morning—God wants us to focus on Him not ourselves—resonates still.
“Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe (Proverbs 29:25).
May we be noticed like Hanani, who was appointed to his position for being a man of integrity, who feared God more than most men do (Nehemiah 7:2).
Popularity with Jesus is real win
What good will it do us to gain the whole world, yet forfeit our souls (Matthew 16:2)?
John 14:27 tells us not to let our hearts be troubled and not to be afraid. If we get our focus off ourselves and focus more on God, He will work it all out for us while we are busy serving others. We can pull ourselves and our children away from the constant pressures of social media and try adventures that strengthen us (like speaking in front of a crowd LOL).
Remember popularity with Jesus leads to all things good because God works all things out for His glory and our good.
Seek popularity with God and let Him work out the details with people—in person, online, everywhere.
You are seen. You are heard. You are loved. By the One who holds your life in His hands! Repeat this often.
The lyrics of We The Kingdom’s “Cages” talks about getting to be known.
Remember, you can’t lose if you’re on God’s side.
How do you break the chains of this obsession?
Kristen Gwen
Laurie Germaine
Thank you for sharing a struggle we ALL face! Posting on social media is very difficult for me (yep. insecurity). I just finished Beth Moore’s book So Long Insecurity. She delves into the many faces of insecurity and its tangled roots. One quote from Moore’s book that ressonate with your post: 1. “We will never feel better about ourselves by becoming more consumed with ourselves.” I continue to pray that my eyes would focus on God, that I find my self worth in His love.
Thank you, Gretchen. Beth Moore’s book sounds like a good one to read. I’m adding it to my TBR list. I agree with you in that prayer that I will and others will find focus on God and find self worth in His love. Beautifully said, Gretchen. Thanks for sharing.
This post came at the perfect time for me. One of my writing venues just fell through, and I’m feeling like a failure. But you know why? Because I put my full focus on myself instead of on God. He gave me the skill to write. Am I using it for his honor or mine? That’s a tough question to ask oneself. You reminded me that I’m here to serve God and other people by using all my skills. If those skills don’t fit somewhere, I need to trust God to find other avenues for me. And I need to cultivate my relationship with Him first and foremost. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing, Elizabeth. It’s a trap many of us slip into and a good reminder, as you so eloquently put, to use our skills to serve God and trust Him for the results. May God soon show you the perfect place for the piece that fell through. Send it out again and continue working on your other projects. God will show you the way! We just need to remember to stay focused on Him. His plans are always best even if we struggle to see that at first. I’m working on this too. Your comment encourages me as well, so thank you.
One of my favorite songs! Your message timing is perfect and resonates with my soul. Thank you!
You’re welcome. I’m pleased to hear this since your comment and those of the others is a confirmation that this message was the one to write at this time and that God was speaking with me during my prayers over what to blog about. Thanks, Elise.