Finding Balance

As a working mom who wants to raise great kids, I struggle with balance. The days I spend writing, my home suffers. Dishes pile up in the sink and dinner plans go astray. When I spend a day cooking and cleaning, my writing gets behind and I feel the pressure to “catch up”. Then there are my children. My twins, now in high school, are independent, yet they still have needs and I want to be present in their lives. The struggle for balance is real, and it’s not going away. So how and where do we find balance? Several years ago, my pastor, Andy Stanley, made a powerful statement that has stuck with me.

“Your greatest contribution to the Kingdom of God may not be something you do but someone you raise.” -Andy Stanley (italics mine)

Notice the word choice. Although both words contain the prefix “some”, something refers to an object or an idea, whereas someone refers to a person. A living, breathing life with hopes and dreams.

When I look back on my life, I want to live with no regrets. I’m sure my family will say that I wasn’t the best housekeeper (because I’m not). They may say I tried my best to cook healthy meals but didn’t always get it right. But I never want them to say is that I wasn’t present when they needed me. When life gets tough and they need someone to talk to, I want them to know I’m in their corner and I have their back.

I’ve come to realize that balance looks different for every mom. One author writes three books a year, but her children eat macaroni and cheese or takeout for dinner. Another mom cooks healthy organic meals for her family but only works one to two days a week. Which one is doing life right?

That’s just it. There is no right.

It’s a choice you and I must make by seeking wise counsel from God and others. What does success look like for you? What expectations does your husband have for your family? What is God calling you to do? This is how I gauged the balance to find what was right for me.

I decided when I got married, we would have family meals together at the kitchen table without cell phones or television. Since I’ve raised my boys this way since they were born, they never question the rule. The meal may be rotisserie chicken and store-bought mashed potatoes, but we’re together and we talk about our day.

The other tradition I established was a bedtime routine. Every night, I sit on the edge of my boys’ beds and ask them about their day. I’m still amazed at what they share with me right before falling asleep! I taught them to pray at an early age and encourage them to say their prayers out loud. Now that they’re teens, they’re a bit shy, but I pray out loud with both my boys every single night. Yes, it takes a few extra minutes, and I don’t get to watch Netflix as much, but I wouldn’t change those moments with my boys for anything in the world!

My contribution to this world will be how I raise my children. I’m thrilled that my books have brought joy to children’s lives and I’m thankful for the awards I’ve won, but they don’t compare to the joy I received when my son gave his life to Jesus or the pride I felt when a friend complimented my husband and me on our son’s maturity.

Serena Williams is arguably one of the best, if not the best, female tennis player of all times. I love her attitude toward her new love: her daughter. “Knowing I’ve got this beautiful baby to go home to makes me feel like I don’t have to play another match. I don’t need the money or the titles or the prestige. I want them, but I don’t need them. That’s a different feeling for me.” –Serena Williams (italics mine)

What do you want your greatest contribution to this world to be? Whatever that something or that someone is, that is where you will find balance.