Quips and quotes for exasperated parents

I love quotes. As a longtime newspaper guy, I’m always looking for that strong, whimsical, poignant, or otherwise attention-grabbing quote that breathes life into the story. A well-placed one-liner often sinks far deeper into the soul than a barrage of suffocating wise words.

So for today’s parenting tips post, I sought out words of wisdom—both silly and serious—on the insane you-gotta-be-nuts-but-ain’t-it-great commitment of raising Christian kids.

To quote the great philosopher Jackie Gleason, “And awa-aay we go.”

“Being a parent is like folding a fitted sheet; no one really knows how.”—Lenny Lemons

“Having children is like living in a frat house—nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”—Ray Romano

“A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.”—Jerry Seinfeld

“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.”—Erma Bombeck

“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”—Milton Berle

“It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn’t finish.”—Carrie Underwood

“As those of you with children know, rational parenting is like the Loch Ness Monster. We all hope it’s out there somewhere, but we don’t know anyone who has actually discovered it (and if we do come across someone who claims to have found it, deep down we think that person is a little off.”― Holly Sprink

“We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.”—Chuck Swindoll

“God doesn’t want us to rescue our children. He’s the Rescuer.”―Elizabeth Musser

“No parent gives mercy better than one who is convinced that he desperately needs it himself.”—Paul Tripp

“God didn’t give you your children to build your reputation but to publicly proclaim his.”—Paul David Tripp

“In every moment when you are parenting, you are being parented. In every moment when you are called to give grace, you are being given grace. In every moment when you are rescuing and protecting your children, you are being rescued and protected. In every moment when you feel alone, you are anything but alone because he goes wherever you go.”—Paul David Tripp

“It is a masterpiece of the Devil to make us believe that children cannot understand religion. Would Christ have made a child the standard of faith if He had known that he was not capable of understanding His words?”—D.L. Moody

“The best way to beat the devil is to hit him over the head with a cradle.”—Billy Sunday

“I learned more about Christianity from my mother than from all the theologians of England.”—John Wesley

“Encourage and support your kids because children are apt to live up to what you believe of them.”—Lady Bird Johnson

“Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they’re fun, they do things together, they’re best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.”—Tim Allen

“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”—Deuteronomy 6:6-9 (NIV)

“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”—Ephesians 6:4 (NIV)

“When you think your job is to change your child and you’ve been given the power to do it, your parenting will tend to be demanding , aggressive, threatening, and focused on rules and punishments. In this kind of parenting you are working to make your children into something rather than working to help them to see something and seek something.”—Paul David Tripp

“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”—Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)

“Train up a child in the way he should go—but be sure you go that way yourself.”—Charles Spurgeon