Dauntless Dialogue

What makes plucky, spirited, gritty—dauntless—dialogue?

In his book Revision & Self-Editing, author James Scott Bell states dialogue needs to push the plot forward or reveal character.

For fun, let’s analyze a dialogue from my current work-in-progress, a novel called I Be Brave.

A rusty pickup bumped along the dirt lane and stopped in front of us. Old Man leaned out his window and yelled, “Yer in my way.”  

“Henry and I are headed to work in your garden.” I flashed him a big smile.

Old Man honked the horn and gunned the engine.

I stood with my hands on my hips. “Are you going to town?”

“No, I’m drivin’ to meet with President Roosevelt.” He chortled like a raspy old black bird.

What if…did I dare ask?

Old Man cleared his throat and spit past us. “Move out of my way. Ya deaf turnip.”

“May we ride with you?” I couldn’t believe I asked.

He spit again. “Only if that’s what it takes to git ya off my road.

I scrambled over the tailgate into the back of the truck and pushed aside chicken crates, a rusted-out oil drum, and a tangle of frayed rope. “Come on, Henry.”

Old Man’s first statement, “Yer in my way,” shows character. He isn’t friendly. “Yer” indicates he’s from a different region.

“We’re headed to work in your garden” hints at the girl’s spunky character. She doesn’t apologize for being in Old Man’s way. She ignores his rudeness and states her business.

To sharpen the tension, I used silence and action beats: I flashed him a big smile. Old Man honked the horn and gunned the engine. I stood with my hands on my hips.

“Are you going to town” further underlines the girl’s strong nature because she breaks the standoff with a question.

Old Man’s responses—”No. I’m drivin’ to meet with President Roosevelt…Ya deaf turnip. Move out of my way”—continue to reveal his eccentric hard character.

In my first draft, Old Man said, “No. I’m drivin’ to the moon.” But I changed that to reflect the novel’s 1940 time period. Likewise, “Ya deaf turnip,” fits the book’s rural farm settings.

In Revision & Self-Editing, Bell states, “…understand that dialogue in fiction is just another form of character action.” In my first draft, I’d written, “Ya turn into a deaf turnip? Move out of my way.” By flipping this and creating a statement, I ramped up Old Man’s speech. He punched her with an insult. “Move out of my way. Ya deaf turnip.”

Despite Old Man’s remarks, the girl shows her gumption marked with a politeness. “May we ride…”

This snippet of dialogue helped deepen my characters and move the plot. The characters are now headed to town.

Bell encourages authors to cut dialogue that isn’t essential. He writes, “After reading many manuscripts at conferences over the years, I’ve come to the conclusion that dialogue is the fastest way to improve a manuscript. It’s also the fastest way to sink a manuscript.”

Keep in mind the purpose of dialogue—to deepen character or move the plot—and let your characters talk. Who knows what you’ll uncover as you write and eavesdrop?

Are you interested in sending a short dialogue for feed back from the Storytellersquad? Send to: gretchencarlsonwriter@gmail.com

Don’t forget: Leave comments on storytellersquad posts to be in the drawing for a book!