Julane FisherIn part one, I addressed teens and asked them to put down their cell phone next time they have a few minutes with a parent in the car. I set up an experiment, so to speak, to see what you might learn about them and what they could learn about you. So now, mom and dad, it’s your turn to listen.
This part month, both my boys suffered sports injuries resulting in multiple medical appointments. I also help care for my dad who survived cancer this part year only to sustain several falls post-surgery. In my exhaustion one day, I counted it up. In 45 days, I’d been to the ER, doctor, dentist, and endodontist eighteen times! Somewhere in the middle of it all, I had an epiphany. I realized how much I was learning about my boys while we are together in the car!
I decided to make a conscious effort to silence my phone and music and talk. At first, I simply asked, “What are you playing?” I pretty much knew the answer was Fortnite, but I asked anyway. When my son was on YouTube, I asked, “What are you learning about?” I’m always amazed at the answers! One on my boys was learning how to develop a stand to hold his Xbox controller that would allow him to punch the buttons faster! I had to give him credit for attempting a DIY project, even if though it failed!
What I really discovered was my son was telling me about friends at schools, teachers he liked and didn’t like, who was popular and why, who makes all the sports teams without trying, and even about Invasive Cardiology as a career! The point is my boys were talking because I chose to listen. We also built memories by spending time together. We still laugh about the random four-year-old girl at lunch who made us watch a My Little Pony video!
I love taking a group of kids to sports practice because I’m amazed what they say when their parent isn’t around. I don’t contribute the conversation unless they specifically address me. I simply listen. What they don’t realize is I know all about their friend group!
Most teens spend 6-9 hours a day in front of a screen doing non-educational activities (1). More than half check social media more than three times a day, and one third say they check it several times an hour. Teens are even starting to admit they spend too much time on their phones. A recent study found nearly half report they “overdo” it on social media (2).
Only 32% of teens say they prefer to interact with friends in person!
This is extremely concerning! How will our kids interact in the future if they haven’t learned to personally connect with others? This is why I am so passionate about educating parents. We need to be the leaders and examples to our kids. We need to turn off screen time, put down our phones, and have conversations. The next time you have to take time out of your schedule to shuffle a kid to an appointment, try to change your perspective. If you see it an opportunity to listen, you may be surprised what you can learn!
Elise Haroldson
Kristen Gwen