Quality Time Part 1: Teens

Have you ever had to go a doctor, dentist or orthodontist more than once in a week? Checking out of school seems fun, until you have to make up the work and you don’t know how to complete the assignment because you missed the instruction. So, you climb in the car for the second or third time that week, and immediately whip out your phone. You check social media, browse the internet, maybe play a game, before landing on YouTube. You arrive at the appointment and have to wait, so you continue staring at your phone. Between the time they call you back and the doctor shows up to your room, there’s more wait time. And more phone time. Now, you’ve spent anywhere from 30 minutes to one hour on your phone with little conversation with your mom or dad. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Did you know most teens spend 9 hours a day or more on their phone doing non-educational activities? (1)

What if you put down your phone and talked to your mom or dad? What would you even say? Ask yourself this question: what one thing do you want mom or dad to know? When I ask my boys to put their phones down, the first thing they do is grumble. But, by the end of the appointment, I know a lot about what’s going on at school and with friends. When your parent is behind the wheel, there’s often no one else demanding their attention, so you get it all! Isn’t that what you really fight about most with your brother or sister: attention? So why not take advantage of your parent’s full attention? (By the way, if you’re thinking, my mom or dad talks on the phone the entire time we’re in the car together, don’t worry guys. I’m addressing your parents in part 2 of this blog series)!

Back to conversation. Have you ever tried to tell your mom about your day and her phone rings, she walks away to put the clothes in the dryer, or your little brother or sister interrupts and she forgets she was supposed to be listening to you? Yep, I’m a mom and I’m totally guilty of doing that! But, in the car, my son had my full attention. I learned all about his video game, but then something surprising happened. He began telling me about what he might want to be when he grows up!

The next time you’re in the car with your parent, try this. Put down your phone and share one thing. One thing about yourself, your friends, or your ideas. Don’t plan the conversation, just let it happen and see where it goes. You might be surprised what you learn about your parent. (My dad is 83 years old, and I just learned last week that he was once interviewed for a job by the FBI! I wish he’d told me years ago because we could have had some really interesting discussions about career choices)!

Even more importantly, your parent gets the opportunity to learn about you. What makes you happy or anxious. Why that friend ditched you for someone else. What you think is fair and what you don’t think is right. You build memories by spending quality time together. So try it. Put down your phone next time and see what happens!

https://www.commonsensemedia.org/research/social-media-social-life-2018