Peter Sank Like a Rock, and So Did I.

Like Peter, I want to be the first person to step out of the boat, but what happens when tidal waves reduce me to a pile of wet noodles?

 Do you remember the blur that was 2020-2022? I barely do. It was a jumble of events, one after another, with an insane amount of political unrest and uncertainty. I won’t make you relive the anxiety of those years, but I want to set the stage for my mental state at the time.

All day, every day, the TV, Internet, and any customer that walked through the front door preached the same thing.

Doom is coming.

It doesn’t matter if it was exaggerated or not, when you’re in the middle of something happening globally, you feel the full weight of it press in around you.

To top it off, my husband has a disease known as Ulcerative colitis (UC) which basically means his body thinks his intestines are an invader and it launches a never-ending campaign of destruction against them.

Okay, I might be phrasing it a tad bit dramatically, but you get the picture.

At the beginning of 2020, his medicine stopped working, and it was nearly impossible to get an appointment with any kind of doctor. I learned firsthand what life was like without the gift of medication. It is painful and scary.

The good news was we found a great specialist who got us what we needed, but between those two events, my soul was in turmoil. What if I lose my job because of everything that is going on in the world right now? Without my job, we don’t have insurance. What happens to my husband without medication from the insurance? We just bought a new house. What if we can’t make the payments?

A million worries overwhelmed me to the point I got physically ill. I didn’t want food, and I didn’t want to leave the safe haven of our home. But I had to be a responsible adult.

This may be a bleak scene, but I promise it gets better.

I mentioned the apostle Peter from the New Testament. The account of his miraculous but short-lived surfer career is chronicled in Matthew 14:22-33.

During one of the worst storms of this seasoned sailor’s life, he sees the Son of God walking on water. If you know Peter, you know he likes to be a showoff. His mouth is constantly getting him into trouble. In Matthew 17:4, he says he will construct tabernacles for Jesus, Moses, and Elijah to honor them. He didn’t really know why he wanted to do this, but he wanted to do something that made him seem important.

In Matthew 16:22, Peter tells Jesus He shouldn’t die for our sins. Um, Peter, it’s really important that Jesus does! Otherwise, we are all toast.

Also in John 13:9 he entirely misunderstands Jesus’ message of being a servant and asks for a complete baptism at the dinner table when all Jesus wanted to do was wash his feet.

Peter’s heart was usually in the right place, just not his head. When Peter saw Jesus’ walking on the water, he called to him and said,

 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

 “Come,” he (Jesus) said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.

Peter was ready to do anything to make Jesus proud of him, but he didn’t keep his eyes on Jesus. The storm was still raging around him. Waves were swelling to the size of houses, and the wind was as loud as modern-day explosions. Peter was standing in the middle of a miracle, literally walking on water, but he wasn’t looking at the Author of this wonder. He was looking at everything else.

“ But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

Jesus didn’t rebuke him harshly. I envision Him laughing and shaking His head like a father would after His child said something absurd. Peter wasn’t the one doing the miracle, it was Jesus. As long as Peter kept his eyes on Him, he was allowing Jesus to work through him.

Returning to me in 2021, the storm of fear and doubt raged on in my mind. What if this…What if that… What if I lose everything?

In the middle of this anxiety loop, I opened the door to the bathroom of our new house. The house is nearly a hundred years old and was going through lots of renovations. I turned on the bathwater and cranked up the heat as high as I could stand. I lay down and let the water cover me up to my mouth. Keeping my eyes closed, I prayed. “God, I can’t do this. I’m afraid of all these bad things happening and I just can’t stop thinking about them. Please save me.”

Like Peter, I called for help as I felt the world attempt to drown me. I opened my eyes and looked at the ceiling of my ninety-something-year-old house. Two cracks jutted across the plaster. One short one overlapping the other to form the shape of a cross.

In my mind, I heard God’s voice. “Stop looking at the waves and look at me. I won’t let you sink.”

Tears filled my eyes, and I responded. “Okay, Lord. I’m looking at the world when I should look at you. Forgive me and help me keep my eyes fixed on you.”

Spoilers, none of the things I feared ever came to pass. I still have that job, my wonderful husband, and my nearly finished house that still gives me a wink from God almost daily. Thanks, Charlie. (Doesn’t everyone give their house a name?)

Wait, this is a website about books and authors. What does all this have to do with the writing world? Stop looking at everything going wrong. Stop worrying about when you will get published, or all those critical reviews, or how few sales you have. Remember why you started writing? To glorify the Savior and to point others to him.

Whether you are a writer, artist, mom, father, architect, or plumber, your work is a sweet sacrifice to God. If you seek God’s plan for your life, He will keep blessing and guiding you.

It may not seem like it while the wind and the waves are crashing around you and John the disciple is rocking back and forth in the fetal potion at the bottom of the boat, but your God is the author of life, and the storms bow before him. Put your trust in Him and let Him guide you over troubled waters and into a quiet sea.