Empty Nesting-A New Season

The hour drive to the campus was one of the longest hours of my life.  It wasn’t our destination that I was worried about. It was the empty house I’d be returning to.

Every definition I read of “empty nester” refers to a parent whose children have grown and moved out. I don’t consider an eighteen-year-old college student who is still fully financially dependent on his parents as grown. And yet, this is the popular term I’ve been given for this stage of our parenting journey. Empty nesters.

As summer winds down and many of you might find yourself in a similar situation with me, I thought it appropriate to share some of the pearls of wisdom that are helping me get through this difficult, lonely time.

First, the most helpful word was given by my mom. “It will be difficult, but you’ll get used to it quickly.” I want to unpack this briefly. “It will be difficult.” It’s ok to acknowledge the fact that this might be very hard for you. This statement gave me permission to mourn, in a sense, over what I was losing. I had permission to cry. I had permission to say, “I miss him.” I had permission to feel the emptiness left by his absence. BUT, as the Bible says, there is a season for everything. I knew I couldn’t stay in this mourning stage forever.

I busied myself with things I enjoyed doing, even if it meant just sitting on the couch reading a novel for an hour or two. I allowed myself that time. I focused on what I could do in my empty house that I hadn’t been able to do before. I could blast worship music and dance around the house singing out of tune. Nobody was here to listen so I didn’t care. I could come home from my evening job and not worry about preparing dinner for my son beforehand, or if there was any food in the house for him to make himself something for dinner. I found projects for myself. I started writing again!

The two best things to focus on in this transition, I learned, are my hubby and my Father. One of the most popular pieces of advice given to me was to find common hobbies with my husband. Do things together again, just the two of us, like it used to be BC (before children). Some almost empty-nesters I talked to were scared by this. They didn’t know their husbands. What did they have in common? The focus for so long had been on their children, they’d lost something from their relationship. This didn’t scare me, it actually excited me. Yes! We could try new hobbies, spend more quality time together, heck we could even eat cereal for dinner in bed if we wanted! This was an opportunity to rediscover my best friend!

Finally, I have more uninterrupted time to spend with my heavenly Father. This can be a season of taking my relationship with Him to a whole new level. I’m planning on going on my first mission trip in the spring without worrying about details for my kids. While I believe we are able to live intimate lives with Him no matter what’s going on, having this extra quiet time where my focus can be solely on Him, is a gift I am looking forward to unwrapping for the weeks and months to come.

So, for those of you new empty nesters, or those of you who see it coming on the horizon, fear not. Let it hurt, let yourselves mourn, but know a new season of blessings will be right behind it!

If you are an empty nester or have other pieces of advice to add, I’d love to read your comments!